Disappointment

I was trying to find a song on Spotify and so I typed the lyrics I could remember into the search bar to see if the song would come up. It didn’t. What did come up was a playlist titled the same name as the lyrics. Something like ‘I wish I had a garden’ 

Just another person’s public playlist. I forget how public Spotify playlists are. Because I’m very romantic when making my playlists so it would feel weird and invasive if some stranger got their grubby little ears on my cultivated ‘songs to put in movies’, or ‘crying in the shower’ or ‘sex playlist 2’. 

I listened to this stranger’s playlist  and my first thought was, oh my god. We’re going to fall in love. With every chill beat, with every lilting vocal I fell more in love with her. 

We’ll probably move in together and get an obscene amount of plants. All my plants have died on me till now, but with her anything is possible and also she’s got one of those plant mister things which I’ve heard helps. We’ll host rooftop parties and all our friends will be very fashionable but we’re still the best dressed couple. Do I know anywhere in London where I’d have access to a roof, no, but like I said, with her anything is possible. 

She had quite a unique name so I looked her up on Facebook. I did feel insane but I also felt romantic. (I will say this was also during the pandemic so there was shockingly little else to do but let your imagination run wild for a bit) This could be how people meet in our age of the internet. People have met over Craigslist before, why not Spotify? We could be the first Spotify love story. Maybe we get a little write up in Buzzfeed and a cool LGBTQ furniture brand sends us some cushions and a patchwork blanket for free because we’re just such a cute couple.

I wouldn’t lie about how I came across her, I’d be completely honest. 

Hey, I stumbled upon your playlist on Spotify and it really spoke to me. I think you have a cool vibe 

Yaddah yaddah yaddah 

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, not approaching someone, but imagining a life with someone I came across in an odd way. I was reading reviews of some Kafka short stories on Goodreads. I’ve always liked Kafka but I’m fully aware that I don’t completely understand him. I like that his world is strange. I like big things are small and small things are big and there’s no explanation for stuff really. That’s how I see the world as well, to an extent.  I noticed a review that perfectly encapsulated how I felt about the stories. It was so profound but accessible. I had to know what she looked like, I went to her profile picture and she was so pretty. I wasn’t even annoyed that someone as pretty as her could be so percipient. Her name was just a username and I hadn’t considered properly looking her up, but I did enjoy imagining our life together for a couple minutes. We’d have lots of books and a funky collection of paperweights. 

When I looked up Spotify girl I found out she was American. That’s ok, long distance relationships have happened before. I still wanted more though, I wasn’t going to just add friend without knowing more information. From her Facebook I found her instagram, amazing! I get to hear her speak! She’s got videos up. It’s a public profile.

She probably has a beautiful voice. Someone with such good taste in music would have to have a really cool voice. 

I’m giddy, I’m excited I’ve found her. It didn’t take long at all (scary how easy it was).  But her very unique name is the main reason for the speed of my access to her. But that just feels more like fate to me. I was supposed to find her, and the gods know that my ADHD might not have searched as hard for an ‘Emily Smith’ or a Jessica Smythe. 

I play one of the videos on her instagram and….

She’s annoying. 

She is. She’s annoying. Her voice is nothing like I expected. It’s nasally and her vibe seems a bit too basic to go with the playlist she made. I’m in shock. Thank god I didn’t search for her for too long because it would’ve been a wasted effort. 

I want nothing more to do with her now. I laugh at my own stupidness and wild imagination. I duplicate her playlist and save it under a different name for me to enjoy without another thought of her. 

Just as quickly as I fell in love I fell out of love. I laugh at how quickly my imagination can run with something and just as quickly I can drop it, it’s almost heartless. The whole thing is anticlimactic, just like a Kafka short story.  I didn’t really care about these people at all, I just liked the idea of them and what new accessories they’d bring to my home. I think I just like shopping, and new love is an opportunity to shop.